Hannah Rudderham
Hannah Rudderham
February 14, 2020

Satire: Think of men this Galentine’s Day

Photo By Uby Yanes from Unsplash

This is a satirical article.

 Don’t have a partner to celebrate this Valentine’s Day with? Upset that you won’t be receiving a heart-shaped box of chocolates or a teddy bear today? Need validation and someone to take you out to a fancy dinner? Well, I would say to get over it, but according to the internet—you don’t have to!

While the term Galentine’s Day was coined around 10 years ago, it has recently become drastically more popular on various social media platforms. 

It’s not an official holiday, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Galentine’s Day is for all the single ladies out there. Grab your friends, take them to dinner, and shower them in chocolates (or whatever you can afford, if you’re a college student, it’s probably not much).

Some people choose to celebrate the day before Valentine’s Day, and some choose to do it the day of. But no matter when you choose to hype up your gals, at least there’s a day dedicated to love your ladies. Right? 

No! What about men? Isn’t the term Galentine a little offensive to the male population? What about treating your bros?

All this talk of treating your gal pals has men MAD.

Why is it so socially acceptable for women to love their friends on Valentine’s Day, but there’s no Guyentine’s Day?

I talked to some men to see their thoughts on this.

“This is outrageous!” said Saad Maaan. “Just because I couldn’t score at S Club during Cuffing season, now I’m single and have no one who’s obligated to get me chocolate. And now you’re saying that because I am a man, I don’t get to be part of this new girl-valentine thing? I don’t get to have a guy valentine’s with my bros?” 

Someone should tell Maaan that he doesn’t need a day to go out with his friends, and doesn’t deserve a special holiday. Women are told all the time to gang up when going out, so that they’ll be “safer,” so why not have a special holiday to celebrate those female friends who keep your drink safe while you run to the bathroom? Well, P. Niss had something to say about that.

“The feminists are taking over! I just want to take my girl out without having these crazy feminists taking over our holiday. It’s not my fault they can’t get boyfriends,” P. Niss said while gripping his girlfriend’s shoulder with all of his strength.

Heads up Niss, not all women want boyfriends, not everyone is heterosexual. Or wants relationships. Or lives in the same place as their partner. Or celebrates Valentine’s Day. Calm down.

Guys, you don’t need a specialized day to go out with your friends for dinner or treat them to some chocolates. I mean, neither do girls, but, let them have this.

The world is already tailored to men.

No one’s taking away Valentine’s Day, they just want a day for single girls to not feel bad for being a single girl.

Females aren’t the enemy.

Just look it up—Galentine’s Day is just as much a “holiday” as National Eat Your Beans Day—if you don’t want it to exist, fine, it already doesn’t. Just buy your partner their chocolate, take the bros out to dinner, and ignore what isn’t your business.

“But, but, but—what if all the chocolate is bought by girls treating their friends and I don’t get there in time to get any for my girlfriend?” asked Jack Eouff.

Sigh.

Go to the store earlier Jack, it’s not women’s fault that you’re a bad boyfriend.

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