Marlowe Evans
Marlowe Evans
Originally from British Columbia, Evans is pursuing a Bachelor in Political Science at UNB.
October 20, 2020

Dear Sharkie: The Walking Bridge

The Fredericton walking bridge | Photo by Jules Keenan

Send any questions regarding school, university culture, or life in general to dearsharkie@thebruns.ca in less than 100 words for a chance to gain really bad advice from everyone’s favourite red herring. Disclaimer: Please don’t actually follow this advice.


Dear Sharkie,

Where does the walking bridge come from? Why does it look like there used to be another bridge? WHAT HAPPENED??????????

Sincerely,

Edgar is PO’d


Dear Edgar–

There really isn’t much to say. The walking bridge is the imposter. 

The walking bridge you see before you today is, in reality, not actually a walking bridge. It is a large creature pretending to be a walking bridge. This creature isn’t malevolent though! Don’t let me give you a negative impression of him; he’s actually very friendly. He does eat bridges, which is why the old bridge is no longer over the river, but that isn’t an issue really (unless you’re a bridge, which I do not think you are, as Edgar is a very strange bridge name). 

The bridge may be the imposter, but he’s a good imposter. With the exception of a few much needed maintenance closures, he’s been fairly reliable for the past 700 years. There is no better bridge creature than he! He did choose to come to Fredericton after all. 

It’s a well-known fact that every bridge creature has to choose their own village. He had to crawl all the way from Worcheshire, just to get to Fredericton to take the place of the old bridge. Did anyone really think that a regular bridge would last 700 years? No way! It’s all down to the bridge creature. He came, he ate the old bridge, and he has stayed to service the community.

I would try to tell you his name, but the aches and groans of aged steel are difficult to transcribe. It’s a long sound anyway. If you did want to try and communicate with him, I would be cautious. If you tap one too many times on the bridge deck, you may actually find yourself in the river. He doesn’t like to be disturbed. The only way to have a conversation is to swim to one of his under-pylons and catch a fish. If you’re lucky, he may communicate with you through the fish, but only if it’s something other than a smallmouth bass.

I hope I’ve answered your questions well, sweet Edgar. The imposter is discovered, but watch out – bridge creatures are only sated by eating a single for 701 years. Most of the time they just move on to the next town… but sometimes they turn on the town itself.

xoxo

Sharkie


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