Five reasons it rocks to be a girl

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BURNABY, B.C. (CUP) – Women have certain advantages over their male counterparts. Here are the five reasons it rocks to be a girl.

1. Although painful to wear, high heels can double as weapons of mass destruction (especially when your target is male genitalia). However, beware of mixing stairs and alcohol while wearing those sexy new stilettos, as it can prove deadly.

2. If you are found listening to embarrassingly shitty music such as ‘N Sync, Backstreet Boys or Soul Decision, you will be forgiven. Just hope to God that your laptop headphones don’t come unplugged in the library.

3. You will always have a strong support group: Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha are always waiting, just a walk to the movie store away. Of course, you may learn to blow all your money on cosmos, shoes and sex toys, but that’s okay.

4. Nail polish remover can get you a little bit high, if you’re into that. Nothing inspires abstract nail art like getting baked out of your tree. However, this might also cause you to suffer from severe cranial discomfort.

5. Cleavage – a tool of persuasion bequeathed to women and women alone – when properly used, can assist one in countless endeavors. There’s no better way to add a vertical line to your B- (and turn it into a B+) like using the vertical line between your breasts. This is considerably less effective in your women’s studies course.

Editor’s note: this does not reflect the opinions of the Bruns editorial board and is not meant to be taken seriously. It is intended to be taken as a satire.